The Way I Loved You
by Somethinglikenew
Summary: Unlike the title, this is not a songfic. Mai realizes Zuko's love for Katara and decides to leave and never come back. She leaves a letter of her feelings and a red rose to remember. Mai and her love story.
1. Remember me

**I love raw feelings. I love the way you can capture your own emotions and turn it into something beautiful. No matter how hurt you are, it turns into something good when you share it with the world. Sharing your depression does not burden others, but it makes them wiser. In this story of Mai's feelings for Zuko, her feelings are strong, passionate. As you know, a boring person probably kissed quite well, as I can imagine. This is her love story. Her feelings for the Fire Lord. Her feelings toward the girl who stole his heart away. ****This is a multi-chapter, starting with her letter to Zuko.**

_Dear Zuko,_

_Hello Zuko, or should I say, Fire Lord Zuko. 3 years. That's how long it's been since the end of the war. Quite a long time, hasn't it? Well, by the time you receive this letter, I'll be gone. Don't try to go after me. But before you crumple up this letter and disregard my wishes, read the rest. Please._

_Well Zuko, it's not hard to explain actually. You love that water witch. I know you do. I don't know what it is about her that's so appealing, but you actually love her. Even more than you did I. I know, I know, you tried to keep it secret? Well, for a secret, you two are quite obvious. You visit her room, Zuko. A lot. You are not calm around her, but you laugh like your world is going to end. When she left for the Southern Water Tribe to check up on things over there, you moped around and got cranky. Of course, you're always cranky, but even more so than usual. It ceases to amaze me how you believe it was all kept secret. I saved you at the Boiling Rock. I risked my life for you. All for you. I told Azula that I loved you more than I feared her. I was going to face Azula's thunder all for you. Because I loved you so much. But you tossed away my love like it was trash. Maybe you don't agree, but that's how I felt._

_Your kisses. Do you remember when they were so strong, so passionate? Sweet and tender. It was full of wandering, wants, desire. Passion, angst, love. All we had was each other. Just recently, we had kissed and it was dull. Melancholy. And no. It wasn't me. You know how I kiss, Zuko. I know it was you that made the kiss so indifferent. I remember sitting on a blanket together. It's all I ever loved. You and those special moments. They filled my life no matter how bored I am. And you left them behind for that water witch and her memories._

_Zuko, I'm hurt. You should have told me. Of course, I still love you like you'll never know, but at this point, it's really hopeless for me. I loved you dearly and you didn't seem to care. You had my heart and you knew it. I'm also hurt because you didn't tell me. I won't get mad, Zuko. I'll just be disappointed, like I am now. I thought we were best friends just like we were lovers. I know you were afraid to break up with me because of what I said before your coronation as Fire Lord. But I would have thought you'd be more… honorable. Don't cheat on a girl because she said don't break up with her. Just tell her. The only one in pain was me. Don't ever hurt my heart again. In this case, you can't toy with my heart anymore. This time, I'm leaving a letter like you did to me. Of course, you don't love me like I love you. I'm leaving the Fire Nation. I can't tell you where I'm going. But… Good luck to you and the happy maiden (At least, I hope she's still a maiden.). This is the last time you will hear or see of me. Goodbye, Zuko. Have a happy life. Oh, and tell that man-stealing bitch I said hi. (I know you're a G-rated man, but I won't see you again, so I don't care anymore.)_

_Sincerely,_

_Mai_

The letter was found on his bed tied with a black ribbon. Next to it lay a wilting single red rose and a stiletto.

Zuko's eyes widened and he gasped as he read the letter and placed it back on the bed where it was found. He ran out of his bedroom and looked out the door. He frantically told the servant to get Katara as soon as possible. When Katara came, Zuko told her everything and handed the letter to Katara. She gasped as she read the last paragraph.

"Was our relationship that obvious?"

"I don't know, Zuko. I thought we did a good job of keeping it a secret."

"Apparently not."

"I know that."

"She was right. I tossed her away like she was nothing."

"No you didn't. Love just got in the way."

"Well, we can prove one thing is wrong in Mai's letter."

"What?"

"You're not a maiden anymore."

"Oh. Right."

**First Chapter. Because I don't want to post the story all at once, I'll do day at a time. Hope you enjoyed it and sorry for adding that small bit of comedy into an otherwise, angst story. It was irresistible. Please review.**


	2. Pathetic Pt 1

**Second Chapter, third to be uploaded somewhat soon… apologizing because I have NSE, AIMS, Spanish, Math, student council… and on top of that, I'm trying to keep this fanfiction thing secret because of my M stories. I still have a reputation to uphold- with my friends and my family. I know, if they don't like you for who you are, they aren't your friend… well… I actually kind of like my friends so I'm still going to keep this secret.**

I'm used to it. Being used and being tossed away. I'm just an accessory. I'll be there if you have no one else to talk to and there to be your friend when you need it. But other than that, you'll leave me alone because you have bigger, better things to do.

Mai. That's all I've been known as. I'm also known as Azula's right hand, Azula's follower, Azula's everything. People think I am dreary. Boring. Depressing. But they don't know what's underneath. I seem so sure, but I'm so insecure. I put on a scowl to hide my emotions, and so far, no one has seen through it. Not even Azula could see through it. My emotions are a monster. If I let it out, I would hurt so many. I let that monster out once. But only a sliver. I quickly hid it before it could reveal itself further. That was on Ember Island. Those old ladies were weird, but they were correct on how the beach helped us figure each other, and ourselves, out. I remember the flickering fire. Flames licking at our hands. I remember the warmth of his arms. Oh Agni, how I missed his kisses.

_But of course, I'm used to compromising my wants and needs._

Because of that, I don't have Zuko anymore. I don't exactly have friends around either. The only friends I had were either in an insane asylum or hanging at Kyoshi with those make up girls. I did have Zuko, but after he was struck with lightning, Katara and he became the 'best of friends.' It was actually quite obvious how she loved her. I showed that I didn't care- and better- that I didn't know about their secret relationship. But my heart. My heart was torn. Every time I saw them laughing together, I almost felt tears brim the bottom of my eyes. I would always manage to bring them down before I could go greet them. Their little relationship tore me in half.

_But I'm done._

I'm done being torn. I'm done being tossed away. I'm done living as someone's second hand. I'm done trying to hide this wretched monster. I'm not living like this anymore. I hate it. I hate the prison I was in. I am now free and I feel great because of it. I am free.

_But… is that how I really feel?_

It's so hard to leave everything behind. Everything I loved. Zuko- I remember him walking with his mom when I was small. Azula was somewhat a little helper of my plan to get me and Zuko together. Of course, it was only pranks and I pretended like I hated being with him. I always tried to conceal my thoughts and feelings. It was always easier for no one to know. Besides, I had my father's political career to look out for. I had to be a role model for other noblewomen my age. I needed to honor my family by being the best. But off the topic, Zuko had been on my heart for a long time. I gave him a little piece of my heart when he left to go on his quest for the Avatar. I prayed to the spirits he would be back so I could muster up the courage to tell him how I would feel. 1 year. 2 years. 3 years. 4 years. Year after year went by and I was losing small pieces of hope for every day that went by. I missed him so much. Eventually, at the peak of the war, Omashu was taken down. My family moved to Omashu to watch over the people and stopped Earth Kingdom rebellions. Then, Azula came to me. She proposed a plan to capture the Avatar, her brother, and uncle since they had all brought shame to the Fire Nation. I merely nodded and agreed with Azula to go. My excuse was that I was bored, but in my head, all I wanted to do was to see Zuko again.

**There we go! All excuses in the bolded at the very top. Fact: people write how it goes in their mind. Well duh. My mind has a limited vocabulary and I need to learn new words. Some of my friends write beautifully because they use the vocab they learn to write… danggg… I've got to do that… **

**By the way... the italic parts are hinting at the next chapters... sweet, right?**

**Hope to see you keep on reviewing! Please…!**


	3. Pathetic: Learning Pt2

**Third Chapter. After you're finished reading this, go read my story Insane. Please. I need comments. Read and review!**

**Don't own ATLA**

And there he stood. Elegant, yet rogue at the same time. He was standing tall, crimson robes adorning his built stature. His hair was not yet tied in the topknot that signaled the prince of the Fire Nation. He looked so... sexy. His hair down and covering his amber eyes, he looked amazing. The girls were itching to get a look at the once banished prince. You could look at the man and think he was proud and strong. He had finally returned. That's what I thought it was. He had changed and to be honest, I liked it.

But then, our eyes met. I could've lived my whole life not seeing his eyes. So broken and betrayed. He felt abandoned, alone. Nobody cared though. He was a hero- a conqueror of Ba Sing Se. That's all that mattered. Nobody cared what he felt on the inside. That is, everyone, except for me.

I walked up to him as gracefully as I could. I stared into his tired eyes.

"Come on."

I led him into my house as the whole crowd stared in disgust that he would let an unimportant noble woman lead him into her house. They were disgusted that he actually followed.

I shut the door and crossed my arms. I gazed into his eyes again.

Blank. No emotion. That was my look. Nobody could usually pull off my look- that is, unless they were truly hurt.

His rugged brown hair covered his eyes as he looked down at his feet. I stepped closer lifting his chin. He was a head taller than me.

Three words.

"Are you going to be okay?"

No asking what happened. No nosing. Just a simple yes or no. Yet, it seemed like he was debating in his mind. He stared desolately back at me.

And he started to weep. Big gasps for air as he buried his head in my shoulder. I led him to the couch and let him cry. He laid his head on my lap as I stoked his hair consolingly. No. I was not trying to make a move on him. People need a person to be there for him- and I just was. We stayed like that for a half hour. Him crying softly and me stroking his hair and muttering comfort words every now and then.

"It's going to be okay, I promise-"

"No!" He sat up, surprising me. He looked at me with hurt and anger in his eyes. "No, no it's not! I betrayed him, Mai! Don't you understand it? I betrayed him! He helped me through my darkest times and I left him for dead. Sweet Agni, I feel like an idiot! You know I helped the Avatar twice? Twice, Mai! Twice! I helped him escape from Zhao! You do remember that, don't you? They said he was captured and I helped him escape! My own stupid pride and honor. I couldn't let Zhao get it! Don't you see how cruel he was? And then the time I helped the Avatar recover his sky bison and I-"

"Stop it Zuko! Stop the rambling!"

I kissed him. It was chaste and quick. And for the first time in a long time, I blushed.

He stared at me in modest surprise.

"It was to shut you up." I shrugged indifferently.

"Ugh. The sun is such an ugly color. I hate it."

He chuckled softly and whispered into her hair. "I love you."

She smiled faintly. "I love you, too."

It was sealed with a spirited and zealous kiss. Soft lips over hers, biting over, asking for allowance. It was granted and hunger hugged at them both. Lust and love urged them to go further. Then, an ear-splitting voice broke the intimate moment.

"Can I talk to you, Zuko?"

**I know that's not how it goes. I know, I know. But I can't look up the scene for personal reasons and I don't want to be copyrighting, so here's my faint memory of it. I honestly kind of like the Mai x Zuko couple, but I think Zuko x Katara is better. Although I think Mai is one of the most amazing characters- everyone thinks she's such a bitch, but she's so strong. I like her- probably because she reminds me of me… except I hide with happiness… of course that does not mean I'm never happy… but… wait. Am I a bitch? Just kidding… I know I'm not… I have self esteem! *Happy Face***

**This is kind of short... don't have a lot of time- 4 day test- science, math, reading comprehension... grrrrr. .**


	4. Gone

**Well, I made a goal for myself… Every four days, I'll try to post unless I have to travel or go somewhere or do something… I seem to have to do things a lot now… Stupid getting-ready-for-high-school. Well, here's the fourth chapter to The Way I Loved You.**

**Don't own ATLA.**

Zuko looked at the cold princess. I admit- she was beautiful. Curves and plump lips, she would have been the envy of every girl. I mean, I was. And no, I'm not a lesbian. I just notice things and get jealous easily. It's a bad habit of mine, but she is stunning. Then, you looked in her eyes. Eyes are the best attribute of any girl. I know that for a fact. Her eyes were a honey auburn, although it was more of a deep amber color. In fact, her brother's eyes were just like hers. There was a difference despite the likeness. His eyes were calming, but troubled. They were soft and loving- very much like his mother's. But Azula's- Azula's eyes were the opposite. Hard and indifferent. Brutal and paralyzing. She took after her father's attitude and input on life. She basically destroyed anyone who got in her way. She was stubborn and never gave up- which was one of the only similarities she and her brother shared.

Zuko replied annoyingly, "We're kind of busy, Azula."

He then pulled me in for another passionate kiss. It was quick, but sweet because Azula noted something right then.

"Oh Mai, Ty-Lee got her braids stuck in something. Why don't you go help her?"

I got the message. As much I didn't want to leave, I had to do it. He didn't understand though. The only thing that kept us friends was fear. I had really feared her at the time. Of course, she's not exactly the most fearful anymore. But then, she was strong and destructive. If fear held us in place, I don't think we were ever friends- but I do hope we make up after she gets out of that insane asylum.

"Sounds pretty bad. I'll go help."

Zuko looked at me imploringly. I looked at him with hopeful eyes that told him I'd be back soon. I started to walk towards where Ty-Lee was when I stopped in front of Azula. I gave her a small glare. She shot me one back- but more confident and successful. I left the canyon and walked away.

I remember that. I remember so well- just like it was yesterday. He was so sweet and desperate. I guess I wasn't exactly supposed to use that word. But he was. He was desperate. I know he loved me at one point, but I knew that part of that love was the need to be loved. He knew I loved him, so he took advantage. Despite his troubles and pains, he was still cunning- which is still one of the only characteristics he and his sister shares.

Then, I remember the Day of the Black Sun- the day where the heart and fire of our nation disappears. Of course, I don't care much for it. I throw stilettos and knives. I can easily pin down twenty fire nation soldiers when they're coming my way. Ty-Lee can easily knock out twenty fire nation soldiers also. Together, we're a pretty sweet team. Of course, Azula is no help to us on the Day of Black Sun because she is a firebender, but she does have some pretty powerful punches. We're agile and flexible, able to escape any attack that comes our way. Of course, it's hard to keep it up after a while, but we can still do it. Still, they decide to trap us in this hellhole they call the underground bunkers. Everyone within the Fire Nation Palace City is safe within its borders. I can remember that broken day clearly. I had stayed underground sulking. I should've been out there fighting with the others. The rebellion was fighting their way into the Fire Nation Palace City. I should've done something. But nooo. They keep us inside because we're royalty. News flash. I can take care of myself.

I knew I should've been out there. The minute I went back to my house and into my room, I see a white bundle with a black ribbon holding it together. I look at it questioningly with my eyebrows raised. I pick it up and slowly unlace the raven ribbon. I open the scroll and read it. No. No. No. My knees buckle down from under and my black eyeliner starts to smear.

**Kind of lost inspiration, but no way in hell am I going to stop. I hate it when people stop a story for no reason. It's stupid and you leave people hanging there. Insane is stealing my inspiration. Also, I'm not very good at sticking to things, but keep on reading please. Thanks so much!**


End file.
